So the following story like my first one on this blog was an assignment. This one, however, was the product of our how to assignment. Again many of my classmates wrote about semi serious things like "how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich" or "How to lie to your parents, kids, boyfriends etc." There were even a few about how to build car engines or radios... that sort of thing . One woman even wrote about how to give birth, which if I'm being honest I could have lived without. Not me. Again I decided to take it to a fictional level. I hope you enjoy my story entitled "How to Kill a Genetically Altered Superfly"

How to Kill a Genetically Altered Super Fly

“Bzzzzzz…..”

“There it is again” I said.

            I had been hearing the same infernal buzzing noise for days. On the first day I thought I was hearing things. On the second I knew I wasn’t. On the third the little bugger really began to bother me. He would fly past my ear with a mini sonic boom and buzz away again. On the forth day it was like he was an Allied plane and my head was Berlin. Now I’ve had flies in my apartment before but this one must have been exposed to some kind of DNA altering radiation. On the fifth day he was just mocking me. That is when I decided to implement Operation Kill the Super Fly.  

Before I could kill it I needed to find it. I lived in a one room studio apartment and I didn’t think it would be too hard to find the blasted fly. I searched high and low but I found no fly, not a wing, or a leg, nothing. I began to think the fly had finally died and would bother me no longer when I heard it again, bzzzzzz. I whipped my head around no fly, bzzzzzz, again no fly. Bzzzzzzz……Ack! I was spinning in circles trying to follow the sound of its tiny wings which I swore to my self I would tear off one at a time when I finally got a hold of him.

 I had just finished watching one of those martial art movies where the student learns to catch a fly between his two fingers and I thought since running around my room looking for the stealthy fly wasn’t working I would wait for him to come to me.

I sat down on my bed, legs crossed, my hands resting palms up on my knees, eyes closed and listened. I waited...., and waited. Finally I could hear him coming, faintly at first and getting louder. Bzzzzz bzzzzzz bzzzzzz he came, laughing at me, mocking me. He began to fly around my head, orbiting it like the sun, closer and closer he came. I struck out as fast a lightening with my hand and just when I thought I had him he dove away buzzing all the while.

Now it was war!

Every war needs armor, I thought to myself, but what kind of armor is good for killing super flies? I went to my closet and found an old tie which used to belong to my brother and tied it around my head like Rambo. I added some war paint under my eyes and on my arms. I thought about painting myself blue and going to war in that old Scottish fashion but thought better of it I was after all waging war on a genetically altered fly not the English.

My armor complete all I needed now was a weapon. I looked around searching for anything I could make a super fly killing weapon out of. It needed to be something with a long handle in case I cornered my enemy near the ceiling. It also needed to be strong enough to smash the fly. I had suspicions that the fly had a skeleton fused with adamantuim and an ordinary fly swatter just wouldn’t do it. I finally decided on my broom reinforced on the bristle end with its accompanying dust pan.

Now it was time to begin offensive maneuvers. Going to my fridge I pulled out some Chinese leftovers from the night before. I placed them on my table sat down, weapon in hand and waited for my enemy to come to me. Everything was still. I could hear my heart beating, thump-thump, thump-thump. Bzzzz-bzzz. He was coming. I held my breath as my eyes searched for the approaching insect. I knew the smell of decomposing Asian food would be too much to resist, even for a super fly. I spotted him coming lazily towards my trap. My heart beat faster in anticipation, my grip on my weapon strong and sturdy. He landed. I lashed out barely missing the fly.

Urgh!!!!

I decided to try again. I would not give up; I would have victory over the fly if it killed me I sat down to wait again, knowing he would be back. It was no longer just a battle of strength it was now a battle of wills. The fly and I were locked in a dance of waiting and striking, waiting and striking for what felt like hours. He was weakening I could feel it.

Finally when the sun began to go below the horizon he came again. I positioned myself on eye level with the table top, crouching in the shadow cast by the table. He was circling slowly until he landed atop the sacrificial food one more time. Whack!

At last the war was over. I counted the casualties, one plate of old Chinese food, one broom, and one ever so devious super fly.